When you think that you need to be fixed/undo the damage/repair the broken bit/work on making changes to yourself, and working hard to do any of these things doesn’t seem to help…
Then maybe it’s time to change your thinking.
Rather than start from the idea that you ‘need’ fixing or changing, perhaps you could move your starting point.
Take a piece of paper and write down some of your thoughts and memories that are bothering you.
Notice that many of your thoughts contain ideas that affect your behaviour. Because of this you can see that your thinking can hold you back/limit your opportunities/take away your motivation.
For example, maybe you have a thought “I am not good at being in relationships”. A thought like this might have other ideas attached to it such as “I get angry when other people want things” or “I will keep away when people want to get close” or “I am not able to keep a relationship going over a long period of time, so it will not work.”
Having a constellation of thoughts like this is a normal way of functioning for our brains.
The problem begins when we begin to believe these thoughts.
Even though these can be powerful thoughts, we can choose not to listen to them and to be free from their power.
Notice that many of your thoughts are evaluations about yourself — i.e., things that are wrong or bad or need fixing. These evaluations are like ‘prison bars’ and can keep you trapped!
Try to see through them — and work past them.
What you can do:
- Notice the thinking that your mind engages in, especially in challenging situations.
- Remind yourself that these are only thoughts and ideas and that they will come and go.
- Choose what you will do next rather than follow your thinking blindly.
- If you want, choose to do scary, challenging things despite what your mind tells you.